This is going to sound a little weird, but I’M QUITTING THE INTERNET. That’s right, completely walking away from the greatest world-changing invention of the century and perhaps all time. The bottom line is, I’m closing my SEO consulting business and closing down all of my sites… but the reason why might really surprise you.
Nah. Would you have believed that anyway? Well, you might. I am over 35 after all, and my SEO experience does go back to 1998 so there is a very good chance that my skillz are ancient, useless in today’s world, and incapable of making me any money. It wouldn’t be crazy of you to believe it, because you may, like me, have been receiving emails over the past few weeks from people like Leslie and Dan that they are “quitting” and “retiring” and whatever…. only to then follow up with a LIMITED TIME FANTASTIC OPPORTUNITY TO JOIN THEM IN WHOPPERNET! Yes, WHOPPERNET! That amazing, member’s only, super elite exclusive club of
over the hill SEOs that DOESN’T ADMIT JUST ANYBODY and has been CLOSED TO NEW MEMBERS FOR AGES but which now, for a LIMITED TIME, is CONSIDERING accepting A LIMITED NUMBER OF NEW MEMBERS!
One of these guys actually sent me an email that said he wanted to TALK TO ME PERSONALLY about this amazing opportunity to join him in WHOPPERNET, with a special email address I could use just for that “conversation”. Um… excuse me, Leslie. I think “talk to me” means phone me. My cell number is on my contact page.
Yes, I know… this came from an old OptiTools mailing list from 19 something and I can opt out of this garbage at any time, blah blah blah but seriously… what respectable SEO would email John Andrews and pitch WHOPPERNET like this, blindly, when the whole deal is supposed to reek of high-end SEO elitism and legitimacy? C’mon guys, over the hill is not such a bad thing if you stick to training or ebooks or even community sites. Even my uncle Bob makes a living off his LockDownTheBordersBeforeWeAllHaveToSpeakSpanish community site, and he doesn’t even know HTML!
Hey Leslie, plenty of corporate customers still don’t know that reciprocal link building is not the Absolute-Best-SEO-Ever; surely you can hang on long enough to fund a new wedding favors forum or something (weddings are planned way in advance, plenty of time to ship handmade doodads over from China where labor is still cheap, the exchange rate is practically 8:1… wow! See? There’s still opportunity!)
I gotta go and check the SERPs for “wedding favors”…. before the opportunity runs dry.
PostScript: This is sarcasm, guys. Based in a truthful expression of how you marketers are coming across to me, in this instance. I have since accepted the “challenge” of sending in my questions for “personal attention” (my quotes) and gotten an answer. Not a bad answer, but no news either. This WhopperNet membership is $800 bucks per month and according to the response I got, not so much about SEO as doing business on the Internet. Some might interpret that to mean competitive webmastering, no? Anyway, so now I understand it’s not about SEO but about Making Money Fast. Yawn. At best I would soften some of the over the hill SEO stuff above, but not much else. And, if I had a mind to bother, I could expand on the language based on the new feedback I got….but…no thanks. As I already knew, these things are not for me.