Once again I’m trying out some Web 2.0 applications, and once again I am struck by the style. A few observations:

• I am going to have to extend my name. Two names are not enough in Web 2 land. Problem is, I only have two so I’llhave tomake up the rest. Something like John Brandon McAllister Andrews should do it. or John Peter Sniple-Smith Andrews maybe. I’ll have to work on it.
• I have to personalize my testimonials. The bland, corporate ones from magazines and websites are no good anymore. I need ones from real people, hopefully people with 3 and 4 part names. It doesn’t matter who they are or where they come from, because that doesn’t have to be listed. They just have to sound impressive.
• Remove the Dog: it’s no longer hip to tell people your work environment includes dogs, massage chairs, and a video game room. Now you need to tell them that either you don’t wear shoes, or you wear flip-flops or some high-end sandals. Oh, and Zen rooms and fountains are in, not video games.
• Metro-sexual meet Web 2.0 : Urban is in, but not the black on black or sleather New York urban. No, we’re talking urban as in Austin or Portland urban. Urban with parks, bicycles, and useless but expensive desktop accoutrements that used to be limited to California and New Mexico mysticism. Most things that glow or gently cycle are ok (lava lamps, glow spheres, dipping birds) while flashing, flickering, or vibrating things are out. Dress? Super casual, but branded super casual, of course. Now which expensive hair gel can I get to give my hair that perfect, no-hair-gel look?
• I need to update my style sheet, again. In fact, maybe I’ll update it every week. That seems to be the trend. Stale is the new orange, or something like that.
• Be sure to describe yourself and your team on your website, using ego words like talented and brilliant. How else would anyone know?
• Offer business advice. No, it doesn’t matter if you’ve only been in business for a year or so, or if you have one-big-hit and nothing else to suggest you know what you are doing. Nobody cares about that. Just state something like “I have vast consulting experience” and let the buyer beware. After all, you said you only were doing this for 2 years, so if they thought “vast consulting experience” was more than you got during your two years on one or twoprojects, it’s their stupidity, right?
• Lead with your Designer. Web 1 was the age of the programmer. Designers were stupid. They couldn’t code, and they couldn’t manage embedded templates even. Variables? What are variables? Ah, but with Web 2.0, the designer is everything. Lead, CEO, CTO, you name it. And designers hire designers so you can be sure the architect has a design background, and so does the accountant. Tell the client this is all good. In fact, say it’s cool. Make up something about “getting it”, and show some large icons with transparent gradients. Oh, and be sure to call your simplified pages sophisticated. Don’t worry about the contradiction. They won’t call you on it, because they don’t want to be called stupid.
• Lose the Concern, ok? I need to change my Privacy Policy. No longer do you state how strong your protections are, or how serious you are about customer privacy. Nowadays you simply say it is what it is, and if you want to participate, accept it. I need to cultivate that air of arrogance, that I don’t give a crap if you don’t like it swagger, and project it from my policy page. That is so much easier than actually trying, right? I mean, if I can simply tell them hey, if you put your data here, it might not be safe and let them assume responsibility. Duh. So obvious.

Now back to those apps…

Try it for yourself. Put this adsense pub-id onto a porn page, and damned if you don’t get racy porn banner ads from Google. The full Google AdSense script is :

<script type="text/javascript"> <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-5152131058373623"; google_ad_width = 728; google_ad_height = 90; google_ad_format = "728x90_as"; google_ad_type = "text_image"; google_ad_channel =""; google_color_border = "A8DDA0"; google_color_bg = "EBFFED"; google_color_link = "0000CC"; google_color_url = "008000"; google_color_text = "6F6F6F"; //--> </script> <script type="text/javascript"> </script>

Thanks to my favorite adult webmaster incrediBill for the tip.

PS: Hey Google: Why do you let scrapers put AdSense ads onto illegal copies of websites? It just messes everybody up, you know?

WANTED: Junior level Scammers and Spammers as apprentice Craig’s List Manipulators

Background: Craig’s List is a community classifieds web site with city-specific sections for most major United States cities. Within each city are sections for free classified ads in everything from real estate to computer jobs to pet adoption. Craig’s List has replaced the local classified newspaper for many local markets. Ads can be placed via a simple web form, and posted to Craig’s List within minutes by even the least sophisticated web users. The Craig’s List community is self-policing, with every reader able to “flag” ads as inappropriate. If enough users “flag” an ad it is removed by Craig’s List staff. Our testing has shown that Craig’s List classified ads work well in certain markets, for certain products and services. They work especially well in markets where there is little relevant competition.

Opportunity: We have clients in many market sectors signed on for ad placement on Craig’s List. We have determined that it takes but 21 sincere Craig’s List Manipulators to control a category within the typical US city on Craig’s List. Twenty one people collaboratively “flagging” competitor ads can effectively control a category, keeping the desired ads prominent while removing any competitive threat. We have several openings for Craig’s List Manipulators in several cities right now.

Position description: This is a collaborative position. You should have some knowledge of proxies if you want to work multiple cities, but any public access point will work for your local market. You do not need to be clever nor ingenious - you simply need to know how to recognize a partner ad, and flag everything else. SEO skills are unnecessary. This is an excellent opportunity for the stay at home mom or disgruntled small business owner with too much free time on his hands. Can’t get business? Mess it up for everyone else on Craig’s List and, in turn, our collaborative network of Craig’s List Manipulators will promote YOUR AD and KILL YOUR COMPETITION in the Craig’s List Classifieds system.This really works, and might be your best opportunity for success on Craig’s List.

Think about it: you’re either WITH US, or WE’RE AGAINST YOU. How long will your ad survive on Craig’s List once we move our manipulators into your market? Our research shows NOT LONG, because all we need are a couple of dozen lazy, low-quality product and service providers who can’t get customers the legitimate way, to join our collaborative network of CL Manipulators and SPAM! your ad is GONE faster than you can say “but…but….but…”

Apply today, as there is virtually no ceiling to this opportunity for participants, and a very, very strong incentive for every Craig’s List advertiser to join before they get shut out of their local market niche. Leave a comment with your qualifications and favorite Craig’s List market experience.